


I'm Peter By the Way

by Triscribe



Series: Avengers Nonsense Starring Spider-Man [2]
Category: Ant-Man (Movies), Black Panther (2018), Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Avengers Family, Five Plus One, Happy AU, I reject your reality and substitute my own, More characters to be added, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, and Peter is more than happy to oblige
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-14
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2019-06-10 03:17:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15282402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Triscribe/pseuds/Triscribe
Summary: Five times Peter introduced himself to someone at Avengers Compound, and one time a visitor knew exactly who he was.EDIT: Due to popular demand, this one's now also a 10+2 format, so get ready for double the shenanigans!





	1. Living Room

**Author's Note:**

> Hello hello, welcome to the prequel of Curbside Pick-up, featuring all your favorite sources of fluff and funnies! Get ready for Peter being his usual adorkable self, Tony having great fun teasing his spider-son, and the gradual rejoining of the Avengers to great some feel-good domestic hilarity (Infinity War? What Infinity War?).  
> Hope you enjoy, and feel free to leave in a review whether you'd like to keep to the traditional 5+1 format, or have me do a repeat of Curbside and go for a 10+2!  
> -Tri

“Hey, Mister Stark?” Peter stepped into the living room while peering intently at the mess of wires and metal plates in his hands. “I think I found the problem, one of the couplings needs to be half a size bigger to better handle the charge, but I don’t really want to mess with it before I get your-” He finally looked up, and froze. “-opinion?”

Steve Rogers stood in the middle of the room, staring at him.

“Uh. Hi?”

“Hello,” the super-soldier-war-hero-Avenger-turned-fugitive said warily.

“...I thought Mister Stark was in here?”

“He was.” Captain Rogers nodded towards the far door. “He and Black Widow stepped out for a moment.”

“Oh. Um. I- I can totally come back later-”

“It’s, okay,” the captain interrupted, looking about as unsure as Peter felt. “Are you...?”

“I’m Peter! I, uh, intern! I do, interny, things, for Mister Stark.”

“Uh-huh.” Skin itching at the close scrutiny he was under, Peter carefully stepped forward to set the disassembled device down on the coffee table before he accidentally squeezed. Captain Rogers gave it an odd look, leaning away a little bit.

“That’s not going to explode or anything, is it?” He asked.

Peter huffed. _“No._ It’s not even connected to a power source right now.”

“Said with all the confidence of someone who’s never had an unplugged Stark Blender blow up in their face.” Peter blinked at the man’s dry tone, then unsuccessfully tried to muffle a snort. “You think I’m kidding? Ask Tony, he was standing on the other side of the kitchen when it happened.”

“Please tell me it was a loaded blender.”

Captain Rogers smirked. “Chopped fruit, ice, and milk. Thor wanted to try homemade smoothies.”

Peter couldn’t help but snicker. “Wow. Just- wow. I guess some of the stories I see online about you guys in the old days weren’t so unbelievable.”

“Five years ago does not count as ‘old days,’ trust me.”

“It does to me! Dude, I was _ten_ when the Avengers first came together - you all were _the_ defining cultural phenomenon for half my generation as pre-teens.”

“Now that is a scary thought.” The two of them grinned at each other, before the captain suddenly coughed and Peter remembered he was supposed to be feeling uncomfortable.

“So, uh, can I get you anything? Mister Stark keeps saying interns are supposed to make coffee and snack runs, which I can totally do, even if he always ends up coming with me to fix real food. Which, I really appreciate, ‘cause if I don’t eat before leaving here I’m usually starving by the time I get back to Queens.” Aware that he was rambling, Peter quickly clamped his jaw shut.

Captain Rogers blinked, his head tilting to one side. “I’m good, but thank you.”

“Okay. Well, then, I uh, I’m gonna head back to the main lab - if, if things go well, and you guys finish up without, y’know, breaking anything, can you tell Mister Stark?”

“Sure thing.”

“Thanks.” Peter scooped his device back up and started to head out the way he’d come, only to pause in the doorway. “...you better not hurt him again.”

From the corner of his eye, he could see the captain’s head snap up to stare at him. After a moment of weighted silence, he finally spoke. “I don’t plan to.”

“Good.” With that, Peter fled for the safety of the lab.

An hour later, his mentor wandered in, holding two plates of Eggo waffles and mini sausage links. “Hey kid. Breakfast for dinner alright with you?”

“Sure!” Peter hurried to tidy up his workbench before joining Tony at the tale reserved solely for quick meals and cat naps. “How’d your, uh, your thing go?”

The man smiled wanly, reaching over to ruffle Peter’s hair. “Went fine. Might have some more people back in the Compound by the end of the month.”

“Okay, cool! That is, cool, right?”

“It’s cool. So cool it’s chill, but not so much we’re icy - I think I’d settle for saying we’re at condensation rather than frost...” Peter thumped his head down onto the table, causing Tony to chuckle.“So, one of the couplers needs to a half-size bigger, huh?”

“Yeah, I think so - I’ll show you in a minute, but I think there needs to be a bigger gap for the electrodes...”

As Peter went on with his explanation, he remained unaware of the two sets of eyes watching him and his mentor through the lab’s observation window.

“...He’s the mystery guy Tony brought to Germany, isn’t he? The Spider kid from Queens.”

“Mm-hm. Tony needed an extra set of hands. I don’t think he was expecting to get all this too.”

Steve shot Natasha a glance, easily taking in her fond smile. “Will he get along with the others, you think?”

“He got along with _you_ with barely any effort. Trust me, Peter won’t even need ten minutes before Barnes and Wilson are delighted with him, and the others will barely take fifteen.”

“We’re going to have to be careful about introducing them, though.”

“More careful than Peter getting blindsided by walking into the living room, yeah.”


	2. Corridor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The votes are in, ten plus two it is! /evil cackling

A week after his bizarre re-introduction to Captain Rogers, Peter was back at Avengers Compound and keeping an eye out for the man on his way to Tony’s lab. News stations all that week had been going on about the proposed amending of the Sokovia Accords that would let the rogue Avengers come home again, which he suspected was what Mister Stark had meant by saying they’d have soon have “more people” around. Peter just hoped they moved in gradually, for his mentor’s sake, because the man was _clearly_ more stressed out that usual.

Fiddling with the new webshooter on his right wrist, disguised to look like a watch, Peter heard someone talking around the hall corner ahead of him. The teen hesitated for a moment, then squared his shoulders and continued moving. Determined to project a cool air, he kept his eyes on the webshooter as he rounded the turn - and walked straight into a chest that felt more like a rock wall. “Oof!”

“Whoops, sorry there.” Hands grabbed Peter’s biceps, one colder than the other, catching him before the boy could bounce back and fall. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m good,” Peter said, rubbing at his nose. He glanced up and did a double take. “Uh...”

The Winter Soldier grimaced and quickly let him go. “I promise I’m allowed to be here. Honest.”

“Yeah, no, I know, that’s not why I, uh, that is-” Peter scrambled for something better to say that _I’m only on edge because we were fighting in an airport in Germany a few months ago and it’s a little hard to readjust._

“You talking to yourself now, Barnes, or just- oh.” The Falcon appeared beside the Soldier, eyebrows raised high. “And this is?”

“I’m Peter.”

“...which does nothing to explain to me who you are and what you’re doing here.”

“Intern.”

Falcon blinked and shared a glance with the Soldier. “Intern, huh? Well then, Mister Intern, do you by any chance know where your boss has run off to? Stark said he wanted to key us in on his new security measures when we got here, but now there’s no sign of him.”

Peter frowned. “He might be in the lab, that’s where I’m headed.” Concern for Tony flooded his systems, and his fingers tightened reflexively.

_Thwip!_

Horrified, Peter stared at the strands of webbing that covered Falcon’s face. The man flailed, cursing, and the Soldier reached to try and help him. Unable to do anything more than blurt out a jumbled apology, the teen started to stumble backwards. When neither of the men paid him the slightest attention, he turned and took off running.

It wasn’t until much, _much_ later in the day that Tony found him, tucked away in the small library, sitting in a corner where the walls met the ceiling. “I’m gonna take a wild guess and say you didn’t do it on purpose.”

Peter expression perfectly expressed how stupid he thought _that_ idea was.

“Right. So, there’s no hard feelings - once he got over being ticked, Wilson thought it was a great joke. If you’d hoped that he and Barnes wouldn’t put two and two together about your identity, though, that particularly dream has definitely gone out the window.”

“I figured.”

“Mm. How long were you planning on staying up there?”

“Until I’m past dying of embarrassment the next time I see them.”

Tony snorted. “Want me to bring you something to eat, then?”

“Shouldn’t eat in a library...”

“Only if you’re going to be getting your greasy fingers on the books, which, really, I know you wouldn’t be able to concentrate on reading right now anyway.” The man huffed. “C’mon, kid, there are worse ways to introduce yourself to someone.”

Peter eyed him balefully.

“I’ll fix tortellini if you come down.”

“...fine.”

They did, inevitably, wind up passing Falcon and the Soldier on their way to the kitchen, this time with Captain Rogers added to the mix. He was doubled over, hands braced against his knees, laughing hard enough to shake, while Falcon scowled and the Soldier looked on with a grin. The latter was the only one to see Tony and Peter as they walked through the hallway intersection, and he offered a nod and a smirk to them, respectively. Tony nodded back before pulling Peter onward.

“I will say, it’s probably a good thing you got Wilson instead of Barnes.”

“Yeah, I thought so too.”

After the pair passed out of sight, Bucky turned his attention back to Sam and Steve. “Are you _sure_ Stark is really alright with my being here?”

His oldest friend’s laughter slowly came to a halt, and Steve straightened in order to look him in the eye. “I think he’s still working on it, honestly. Peter being around to distract him is going to be our biggest help.”

“Still don’t think a kid should be involved with all this,” Sam muttered, crossing his arms. “But as long as he doesn’t gunk up my wings again, I won’t fuss. Too much.”

“Does that mean he’s allowed to throw another web in your face, then?” Bucky’s teasing made Sam throw his hands up in the air and caused Steve to start laughing again.


	3. Main Lab

“And then if you tweak the power input up another point five percent, this refractor increases the output by ten-”

_*Excuse me Boss, your other guests have arrived on the landing pad.*_

“Ah, thanks Friday.” Grimacing, Tony turned off the laser in front of him. “Gimme a minute, Pete, I’ll be back soon.”

“Sure thing, Mister Stark.”

“And don’t turn that thing on again until I get back!”

“I won’t!” As soon as his mentor was out the door, Peter let his finger touch the On switch, without flipping it, just to prove he could. Then he headed to his own desk on the other side of the lab, intent on finishing the homework he’d pulled out before Tony dragged him into the world of refracted laser beams.

When he heard the door slide open a little while later, Peter spoke up without turning his head away from the worksheet. “Hey, Mister Stark, do you know anything about medieval England? We’re starting a Wars of the Roses section in my history class, and-”

“Who cares about those colonizers and their petty in-fighting when you’re sitting in a lab meant for science?”

Startled by the unknown voice, Peter flinched out of his chair, falling into a fighting stance Black Widow had taught him. The slim girl standing in the room’s entrance raised an eyebrow at him.

“Who are you?” Peter demanded.

“I’m Shuri,” she answered, rolling her eyes. “Stark invited me and my brother here.”

“...oh.” Belatedly, Peter remembered what FRIDAY had said earlier about guests arriving.

“So who are you supposed to be? I know Stark doesn’t have a son.”

“No, no, I’m his intern.” Awkwardly, he straightened up. “My name’s Peter."

Shuri’s eyes narrowed. “And does Stark normally allow his assistants to work on other matters in his main lab while he’s busy elsewhere?”

“Uh, probably not. I’m kinda the only one who comes up here, though. At least, I’ve never seen anyone else besides the Avengers or Miss Potts or Happy - uh, he’s the guy Mister Stark sends to pick me up,” Peter added, seeing confusion flicker across Shuri’s face at the odd name.

Her expression turned to amusement. “Isn’t that a little undignified, getting rides to work like a child?”

“Bold of you to assume I have dignity.” A moment after he said the automatic response, Peter’s eyes widened and Shuri burst out into giggles. It took a minute before she recovered enough to speak.

“That, that was perfect! I’ve never actually heard-, ohh, wait wait wait!” She waved a hand through the air, as though cutting off her own words. Then the girl pointed at Peter, and pantomimed holding something thin between her fingers. “This is the cutest shit I’ve ever seen.”

He blinked - and then the reference registered, and it was Peter’s turn to snicker. “You’re- you’re doing amazing, sweetie!”

It was a good while before either of them got over their laughter.

Elsewhere in the compound, Tony suddenly paused, mid-talk with T’Challa. The king glanced at him. “Is something wrong, Stark?”

“Mm? Eh, no, I just got a weird feeling, is all.” He frowned. “Hey Friday, has Shuri met Peter yet?”

_*Yes, Boss. They’re in the main lab together.*_

“Okay, good, hopefully they’ll keep themselves entertained for a while. Now, about those trade deals...”


	4. Lab Redux

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Note: Can I just say, y’all’s comments on the last chapter are probably my favorite batch yet - though hopefully this next one will inspire some equally delighted responses xD  
> -Tri

It only took a few minutes for Peter and Shuri to become fast friends, and then they wound up spending an hour discussing tech with liberal amounts of memes thrown in. At one point, as they were sharing their places on the alignment chart for What Counts As A Sandwich, the door slid open to admit Tony and a man who Peter assumed to be Shuri’s brother.

“Hey Mister Stark!” He greeted, before glancing at Shuri and smirking. “No one expects the Spanish Inquisition.”

She snorted. “Do not speak of the old magic to me, witch, I was there when it was written!” They both cackled.

“Uh. What?” Tony looked between the two of them, clearly baffled, which just made the teens laugh harder. Shuri’s brother, too, looked confused, but there was a growing horror in his eyes as well.

“Shuri,” he said slowly, “Tell me you have not corrupted this boy with your sense of humor.”

“I didn’t have to!” She beamed. “I found a kindred spirit! This- I’m sorry, what was your name again?”

“Peter.” The boy pressed a hand against his chest and leaned back dramatically. “I can’t believe we’ve been friends for a whole hour and you already forgot! This is so sad, Friday, play Despacito!” His dismayed expression only lasted until a fast-paced tune started up, and then both he and Shuri started laughing so hard they had to lean against each other to stay upright.

Tony shot an aggrieved look at his other guest, who’d laid a hand over his eyes. “Knock it off, Fri. T’Challa, you could have warned me your kid sister was acquainted with internet culture.”

“It’s not something I like to dwell on,” the taller man said, sounding just as put out.

Peter, meanwhile, was coming out of his laughter fit with a growing sense of dismay. “Wait, T’Challa? Like, Black Panther T’Challa?” He froze, eyes widening. “King of Wakanda T’Challa?!”

“Trust me, he’s nowhere near so regal in real life,” Shuri informed him. Peter turned his horrified gaze onto her.

“Please tell me I haven’t been embarrassing myself in front of an actual princess,” he begged. She just grinned, causing him to groan and bury his head in his hands. “That’s it. I’m gonna crawl inside a hole and die now.”

“Then perish.” Shuri’s blunt reply had Peter peeking up at her. A moment later, they were back to laughing uproariously.

T’Challa and Tony side-eyed each other. “I vote we escape with our sanity while we still can,” the latter suggested.

“Agreed.” They disappeared back out the door, leaving the teens blinking.

“Well,” Peter said. “Op doesn’t have any sanity left, but go off, I guess.” Shuri snickered and leaned an elbow on his shoulder.

“You, I like,” she told him. Peter grinned, and they picked back up where they’d left off before the intrusion.

A little while later, someone else stuck their head in the door. “Knock knock - I heard there’s a couple of punks causing people headaches in here.”

“White Wolf!” In an instant, Shuri was off the bench and hugging Sergeant Barnes. “It’s good to see you!”

“You too, brat.” He returned the embrace, which ended when Shuri grabbed hold of his metal arm to inspect the black and gold plates. She rattled off a bunch of questions about how it was functioning, which Barnes dutifully answered, then dragged him towards Peter’s table in order to look closer at the finger joints.

The other teen glanced back and forth between them, idly twirling a pen between his fingers. Barnes noticed, and smiled awkwardly. “Hi, kid. Sorry for taking over your space.”

“Mm? Oh, it’s fine, it’s all technically Mister Stark’s space, anyway.” After a moment’s pause, Peter tilted his head to one side in consideration. “Hey, Mister Sergeant sir? Do you know anything about medieval England?”

Shuri groaned before Barnes could answer. “Not this again - you are in a _scientific laboratory,_ boy, stop wasting time with the wrong subject of study!”

“Well, I didn’t bring anything else to work on, and Mister Stark wouldn’t take it well if I started messing around with other stuff while he wasn’t here.”

“What about your spider shooter thingies?” The sergeant asked. “I think that watch version could stand to be improved so you don’t accidentally web anymore people in the face.

Shuri’s hands froze.

Peter grinned sheepishly as she slowly lifted her gaze to stare at him.

“Do you mean to tell me,” the girl said in a measured voice. “That I’ve spent more than an hour exchanging memes with _the_ Spider-man of New York City?”

“Um.”

She huffed, leveling an accusatory finger directly at his chest. “This makes us even on the royalty thing.”

“Oh-kay?”

“Good. Now tell me about these webshooters...”


	5. Kitchen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in as many days, ha! Seems I'm finally getting back to my original groove! ; )  
> -Tri

Peter had opened up the pantry and was already reaching for a box of cereal before he registered the twitching antenna. Next he knew, the teen was sticking halfway up a wall on the opposite side of the kitchen, breathing heavily and staring at the _freaking dog-sized ant sitting on a shelf next to the soup cans._

“Nope,” he announced in a high-pitched voice, “No, nuh-uh, this is so not happening- Friday!”

_*Yes, Peter?*_

“Please get Mister Stark and tell him he has got a HUGE bug problem in the kitchen and to _get here asap please!”_

FRIDAY didn’t reply to that, and Peter fervently hoped it was because she’d turned her attention to alerting Tony of the situation. The ant, meanwhile, shifted up a shelf to investigate the cereal Peter had previously been going for.

Footsteps pattered to a stop in the doorway, and he glanced over, hoping to see his mentor. Instead, a little girl with dark hair peered back at him.

“Why are you stuck to the wall?” She asked.

“Because of that!” Peter pointed to the ant, squeaking as he realized it was skittering out of the pantry and towards the girl. “Watch out!”

Quickly, he jumped for the doorway, snatching the mystery kid around her waist and climbing up off the ground again. The ant followed, forcing him to leap wall-to-wall, zigzagging down the hallway. They were nearly to the intersection when the girl’s yells finally registered with him.

“-stop, put me down, it’s just Leggy! He’s my pet!”

“Wait, what?” Peter came to a stop, just as Tony and a group of other people appeared in the intersection ahead of them.

“Cassie!” A middle-aged guy yelled. “Put her down, you-!”

“Kid, calm down, it’s okay-”

“-someone tell me what they’re doing on the wall-”

A piercing whistle broke through the shouting, and everyone paused to stare at the white-haired woman who’d given it. “Thank you. Now, if we could all calm down a moment - young man, that critter isn’t dangerous, so while I thank you for attempting to get my future step-granddaughter to safety, it’s perfectly alright to come down now.”

Red-faced, Peter dropped to the floor and gently set the girl on her feet. She promptly kicked his shin before darting to stand between the younger man and woman, the ant skittering after her.

“Hey!” Tony glared at her, moving to be next to Peter as the kid rubbed at his leg. “We do not kick people around here, pipsqueak, not unless it’s on the sparring mats.”

“Cassandra,” the older woman warned. The girl huffed but nodded.

“Sorry,” she muttered in Peter’s direction.

He grimaced, but decided moving on was the better call. “It’s okay. I’d probably do the same in your position.”

“How did you do that, anyway?” The older man of the group finally spoke, still staring up at the spot where Peter had been clinging to the wall. “There aren’t any devices on your hands that I can see.”

“Uhh... Mister Stark?”

“Kid, you already showed off, you’re kinda stuck going through with the introduction on this one.”

The teen sighed, but nodded. “Okay. I, uh, my name’s Peter. I’m Spider-man.”

Several eyebrows were raised at that, along with a pointing finger in the case of the younger guy. “You! You’re the one who tangled my legs up and knocked me over in Germany!”

Peter blinked. “Wait, you’re Tiny-then-Giant-Dude?”

“Ant-Man. With occasional stints as Giant-Man.” He huffed out what sounded like a chuckle. “Also known as Scott Lang. This is my daughter Cassie, my partner Hope van Dyne, and her parents, Janet and Hank Pym.”

“They’re here for science stuff rather than Avengers stuff,” Tony explained before Peter could ask. “Wanted my opinion on a device they’re working on for energy absorption.”

The teen perked up at that. “What kind of energy?”

“Quantum, which won’t be in your curriculum for a little while yet. But, since you’re here - think you’d be up to keeping an eye on the pipsqueak and her six-legged watchdog?”

Warily, Peter glanced at Cassie. She stared back, expression daring, one hand on top of her ant’s head. “...Do you like Legos?”

“Yeah.”

“You wanna see the insanely large collection _he_ bought,” Peter jerked a thumb at Tony, “After finding out I like to build model sets?”

Cassie folded her arms with a look of consideration. “How insane are we talking here?”

“Floor-to-ceiling stacks of boxes, in rows the length of the room.”

“...Okay,” the girl finally agreed. She trotted up to him, ant at her heels, and fell into step as Peter turned to head back down the hall towards the kitchen. “Um, could we do the wall to wall jumping again? That was actually kind of fun.”

“Uh, sure!”

“You better not drop my kid!” Lang yelled down the corridor at him, the last of the adults to turn around and head back to wherever they’d initially shown up from.

“I won’t!”

As they walked towards the labs again, Hope frowned at Scott’s continued grumbling. “A little while ago you had no problem letting her and Leggy wander off by themselves, so what’s the issue now?”

“I don’t like that guy,” the man replied, scowling. Tony, unfortunately, heard him.

“Get over yourself, Lang,” he snapped. “Peter’s a good kid who happens to have pulled one over on you in a fight. I thought you’d be happier over the fact he was trying to get your daughter away from a perceived threat before he even knew who she was or what she’s doing here.”

“The man has a point, Scott,” Jan said, dropping back a step in order to place a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

“Of course,” Hank interjected. “If you just want to go play with the children while we handle the quantum-talk, you could just say so.”

“‘Quantum’ isn’t an adjective for everything,” Scott muttered. He hesitated before side-eyeing Tony. “...which way to this Lego room?”

“Back that direction, two lefts after you pass the kitchen, can’t miss it. Ask Friday if you get lost,” the billionaire supplied. Scott took off without another word, causing Tony sigh and stare at the other three scientists. “Why, exactly, is he part of your group?”

“We needed dumb muscle.” Hank didn’t look the least bit apologetic, even as his wife elbowed him in the ribs.

“Sometimes it’s good to have an outside perspective,” Hope supplied, casting a fond look over her shoulder. Tony could only shrug and keep walking.


	6. Lego Room

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A door slowly creaks opens.  
> Two pale hands extend to set down the extremely tardy chapter.  
> They retreat, and the door shuts once more.

“This is not a room,” Cassie declared as they stood just inside the doorway. “This is an actual _Hall_ of _Legos.”_

“It’s awesome, isn’t it?” Peter grinned. 

“Heck yeah!”

“Eh, I’m more of a cardboard person myself,” Scott idly said, hands on his hips as he looked around. “More room for the imagination.”

“Not knocking good old creativity,” Peter replied, heading for one of the work tables with models of various spaceships in the process of assembly. “But sometimes I need to turn my brain off and just follow an instruction sheet.”

“Fair enough.”

Pretty soon, the three of them had browsed through the massive selection of stacked boxes and brought a pretty good haul back to the front of the room to start digging through. Scott got some build-your-own starter sets with the stated intention of creating an ant figurine as big as Leggy, while Peter started in on building some kind of mossy tree monster and Cassie jumped straight for the dinosaurs.

“It’s funnest when I tie up my other dolls and their girlfriends have to save them from being eaten,” she informed the teenager, who blinked but nodded nonetheless.

Before long, both Langs were regaling Peter with the story of their Daring Heist in a cardboard maze spread through one end of Scott’s house to the other. He ohhed, ahhed, and applauded at all the appropriate moments, which went a long way in earning both their approval.

“So how the heck did you end up working for Stark anway?” Scott asked at one point, his ant coming along impressively.

“He was chatting with my aunt in our apartment when I came home one afternoon,” Peter replied, focusing on the specialty plant pieces in front of him. “Told her I’d won an internship as his company, then talked to me in private about Spiderman. Next thing I knew, we were on a plane for Germany.”

“You’re kidding.” Startled by the man’s sudden tone switch, Peter glanced up at him.

“No? Why?”

“Because that’s almost _literally_ what happened to me, except with Falcon, showing up at my office and buddying up to my friends-”

“Partners in crime,” Cassie interjected.

“-while waiting for me, and they are _former_ partners in crime, Peanut.”

The little girl was not to be deterred. “They helped you steal back Grandpa Hank’s lab,” she pointed out. Scott scowled playfully.

“That was Retrieval of Stolen Property, young lady , which is so not the same thing. You’ll back me up on this, right kid?”

Bemused, Peter nodded. “Yeah, I mean, I catch people who’re stealing purses and wallets and bikes all the time so I can take the stuff back to their rightful owners. That’s not stealing stuff back, it’s- well, it’s crimefighting.”

“Hm.” Cassie didn’t look convinced. “...so, like fighting fire with fire, then. Fighting crime with more crime.”

“That- no,” Scott said, frowning while he tried to come up with a better answer. Peter beat him to it.

“Kinda?” The teen shrugged. “Except, it’s a double negative, where the outcome is the opposite - like multiplying two negative integers together, they cancel each other out, giving you a positive number.”

Both Langs stared at him, their eyes gone wide.

“Please don’t call me a nerd for bringing math into this,” Peter said with a grimace. “I know it was stupid, but-”

“Seemed pretty smart to me.”

Slowly, because his spidey-sense only started to tingle when the unknown voice spoke, Peter turned where he sat in order to look behind him. There was a stranger standing in the doorway, whom the Langs were _actually_ staring at. At first glance, she reminded the teen of Natasha, which had the potential to be good, or really, really bad. So of course he did the first thing that popped into his head.

“Hi! I’m Peter. What’s your name?”

Elsewhere in the compound, just as Tony was giving Janet’s test results a final once-over, FRIDAY addressed him. _*Boss? You asked to be informed if Miss Starr went anywhere potentially dangerous.*_

“Yeah, I did. I take it she’s finally left the living quarters to do some exploring?”

“I still think we should have asked Bill to come too, if only so that poor girl wouldn’t be left alone so often,” Janet murmured to her family. Both Hank and Hope frowned, their mouths opening to offer arguments, but all four of them stalled when FRIDAY spoke again.

_*At the moment, Boss, Miss Starr has just entered the Lego Room.*_

“Shit,” Tony blurted, test results hurriedly set aside. “Fri, give me video and audio, _now.”_

Expecting, if not the worse, then certainly something _not good,_ the assorted scientists waited with baited breath for the footage to pop up on screen. And then collectively blinked.

_*-on’t think that’s unoriginal,*_ Scott was protesting, he and Ava Starr glaring at one another from where they both sat beside a pile of Lego bricks, as Cassie and Peter giggled.

_*It’s an_ ant, _Lang, I don’t care that you’re designing the specific details yourself, it’s still completely uninspired,*_ Ava sniffed back.

_*Well let’s see YOU make something then, since Peter invited you to join in.*_

_*I believe I will.*_

As the adults went about their construction, Cassie shifted spots so as to sit between them and offer more pieces to Ava as she went. Peter, meanwhile, somehow managed to glance up directly at FRIDAY’s camera, and wink.

“I’ll be damned,” Hank muttered. “You’ve either got a genius or a lunatic working for you, Stark.”

“No reason he can’t be both,” Tony replied with a grin.

“Well, whichever, he’s clearly an exceptional kid,” Janet piped up. “It’s been weeks, and I still haven’t managed to get Ava to lower her defenses like that.”

Her words just made Tony smile wider, before returning the group to their own task.


	7. Backyard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO WHO ELSE IS CRYING OVER ENDGAME
> 
> No spoilers, but I have decided that this story and Curbside exist in an alternate timeline where such events did not occur and therefore I get ALL THE HAPPY ENDINGS.
> 
> (But you should also expect some new Iron Dad fic in the very near future, of both fluffy and angsty varieties. *attempted laughter turns into muffled sobbing)
> 
> Anyway, now that I've been forcibly launched back into a Marvel state of mind, I'm gonna do my best to try and wrap up this story in the next couple weeks. Thanks for bearing with me so long!
> 
> -Tri

Peter jumped off the roof.

A second afterward, his glider membranes slid out, slowing the kid’s fall as he zoomed away from the top of the main Compound building, the trajectory sending him down to land just short of the treeline.

“Dang it,” he grumbled, rolling with the impact. “I thought I had it that time.”

_*Based on the previous two jumps, I calculate you’ve gone as far as you’ll be able to, Peter,*_ Karen said into his ear.

“But if I can just push off a little harder-”

_*More likely, you’ll require more altitude in order to attain further distance.*_

Sighing, Peter had to agree. Pulling off his mask, the teen started to jog back, letting the sunlight dry some of the sweat gathered at his hairline. He’d spent the last half hour going through one jump after another, entertaining himself since Tony hadn’t gotten back to the Compound yet. Supposedly, something had come up in the city with Pepper that he needed to attend to - which, honestly, Peter couldn’t decide if that sounded legitimate or just like a cover for-

All trains of thought ground to a halt and his spider-sense started yelling, and Peter threw himself forward. Something whistled through the air where his chest had been a moment before, though the teen didn’t have a chance to identify it.

He rolled and came up in a crouch, arms held out and webshooters already firing. His assailant dropped to avoid them, but also fired again from their new position on the ground. This time, Peter caught the incoming projectile just before it could hit him in the face.

“The heck?”

He was holding a toy arrow with a round ball painted with a smiley face on the business end.

“No fair!” A put-out voice protested. Peter’s “assailant”, a girl who couldn’t have been more than a few years younger than himself, scrambled back to her feet - scowling and with another toy arrow nocked to the string of her recurve bow. “You’re supposed to keep dodging, not catch ‘em!”

Peter blinked at her. “But. I gotta catch ‘em all.”

She gave him a thoroughly unimpressed glare. “Really. _Pokemon?”_

“Yeah, I know.” He hopped to his feet and cautiously approached, holding the arrow out with one hand but keeping the other ready to grab any new incomings. “Can I ask why you’re firing at me at all? And who are you, anyway?”

“I’m Lila,” she said, snatching back her arrow once Peter got close enough. “And _you’re_ Spider-man, and Dad said we were allowed to shoot you if we saw a chance.”

Well, that sounded worrisome. Especially since she said _we._ “How many other assassins do I need to watch out for, then?”

Lila rolled her eyes. “We’re not _assassins,_ that was Aunt Nat’s old job.”

And just like that, Peter realized who the girl was. “Waaait a minute, is your last name Barton?”

“Yeah.”

“Crap.” Warily glancing around the open ground of the field behind the Compound, Peter decided he did _not_ need to be anywhere Hawkeye might run across him. He turned back to Lila. “Are you still allowed to shoot at me if I’m not Spider-man?”

She stared at him. Glanced at his suit. Then looked him in the eye and raised an eyebrow.

“I mean, I am right now, but if I change back to normal clothes where everyone calls me Peter, will you still be allowed to shoot?”

“...I dunno,” Lila said.

“Okay. Then. I’m gonna go do that, and hide from your dad, and I would really really appreciate you not telling him-”

“Wait!”

Pausing mid-step, Peter waited for whatever demand he’d have to comply with in order for the girl to go along with keeping quiet. “Yes?”

“Carry me to the roof,” Lila ordered.

“...alright, but hold on tight, okay?” He crouched to let her grab onto his back, and then started to carefully crawl up the wall of the building, keeping his pace smooth and even to avoid jostling the the younger teen. She had a pretty good hold, though, each hand gripping the opposite forearm where they crossed in front of his neck, her legs wrapped around his torso and hooked together at the ankle.

“Here we go!” Peter announced, slipping up over the edge of the roof. “So, the staircase entrance is right over there, I’ll prop it open when I go through so you don’t have to worry about pulling it open, the door’s kinda heavy-”

“Hey, Spider-kid!”

“Oh no.” Across the rooftop, Hawkeye was standing with a little kid on his shoulders and another teenage boy next to him with his own bow and arrow set.

“Dad!” Lila jumped off of Peter and jogged over to her family. “I did it! I shot at Spider-man!”

“Did you hit him?” Hawkeye asked, grinning.

“No...”

“Ah, that’s alright sniper, I haven’t hit him yet either.” The man gave his daughter a half-hug with one arm, before fixing Peter with an amused look. “Although, I am planning on fixing that while we stay here.”

“Aaand that’s my cue to leave.” The teen grinned uneasily at the Bartons, offered a brief wave to Lila, and then jumped off the roof again.


	8. Back Porch

“I think you’re overreacting.”

Peter gave Tony his best _are you kidding me expression._ “No, I think I’m reacting just the right amount to having a family of archery experts _literally trying to shoot me.”_

“It’s not like they’re using actual arrowheads, kid.” The man was clearly trying not to grin at his predicament and Peter didn’t like it one bit.

“That doesn’t make it any better! What if they get to a point where they _do,_ because they think I’ll be able to avoid them anyway?”

Tony raised an eyebrow at him. “Well, in that case, maybe you should just let one of the toy ones hit you - then the challenge will be gone and hey, no more stress.”

“That’s not likely to happen and you know it,” the teen grumbled, folding his arms and hunching his shoulders. “Besides, it’s _instinctive_ to dodge when something comes moving at my head that I _know_ is gonna hurt.”

His mentor chuckled, reaching over to ruffle Peter’s hair which, okay, did feel pretty nice. He might have leaned into the gesture. Just a bit. “Guess your only option is to remain a stressed-out spider for the rest of their visit.”

Peter groaned.

The two of them were leaning against the railing of the balcony deck that stretched along the backside of the complex’s main building, watching thunderclouds build in the distant sky. A strong wind kept the trees of the nearby forest in constant motion, and Peter _might_ have been tempted to see if it could provide enough extra force to carry him even further from the building roof than the day before - but Tony was here, and he did like spending time with the man even if they weren’t working on anything. So, after finishing their lunch, the pair stayed outside together to talk. Or tease, in Tony’s case.

And then of course, they had to be interrupted.

Two figures appeared above them, growing in size as they got closer and closer. One gleamed yellow, the other glowed with brilliant red power, and both Peter and Tony shifted over on the deck to give them more room to land.

Scarlet Witch came down first, wearing regular clothes with shopping bags in her hands, a backpack hanging from her shoulders, and an excited expression on her face. “Are they here? Tony, have they arrived yet?”

“Yeah, Ruby Tuesday, they got here yesterday,” he replied, nodding to Vision when the android touched down beside his girlfriend. “Good flight? Any more feathers stuck inside from phasing through birds?”

Vision gave him a flat look. “No, Tony, I _have_ learned from that past mistake.” Then the android’s eyes flicked over, and he smiled. “Hello, Mr. Parker. It’s good to see you again.”

Peter himself just waved, because Scarlet Witch was suddenly staring at him with her head tilted to one side and he wasn’t sure if that was a good sign or not.

“Who is this, Viz?” She asked.

“Oh, uh, I’m Peter,” the teen answered instead, before the android could finish opening his mouth. “I’m Mister Stark’s intern, and also Spider-man, and I kinda hang around a lot, but I promise I try to stay out of everyone’s way, and, um, it’s nice to meet you, ma’am!”

Both the woman’s eyebrows rose in surprise. Then she smiled at him. “It’s nice to meet you too, Peter.”

A moment later, the door leading inside slid open, and a small figure bolted through. “AUNTIE WANDA!”

“Hello, Nathaniel!” Dropping into a crouch, Scarlet Witch let go of her bags in order to hug little Nate, who continued to shriek with joy as he clung to her. Lila and Cooper were right behind him, talking over each other as they greeted the two new arrivals.

Peter, though, was suddenly trying to get himself over the edge of the balcony railing and out of sight before any of the Bartons could see him. He’d made it partway before Tony grabbed the back of his shirt, halting the teen’s progress. “Nah-ah, come on kid, you can’t keep hiding forever.” Reluctantly, Peter let his mentor drag him back onto the deck. He then, however, moved to stand with the man between him and the others, making himself as small as possible.

Didn’t do any good when Clint also put in an appearance, though. He happily greeted Scarlet Witch and Vision over his children’s heads, and then sauntered over to the other pair on the balcony.

“Hey Stark. Parker,” he greeted, “Feels like I’ve barely seen you since we got here.”

“Wonder why,” Peter mumbled.

“You’re not _really_ upset about the target practice thing, are you?” Clint asked, his eyes glinting. “‘Cause it’s just something to keep my kids entertained, as opposed to, say, tearing up Tony’s furniture.”

“Ha,” the other man said dryly. “Very generous of you. But, considering Pete tried taking a swan dive over the railing a minute ago to hide from your minions, I think it’d be best if you called off the Spider Hunt, Barton.”

Inexplicably, Tony’s voice hardened a bit as he spoke, getting both Peter and Clint to blink at him in surprise.

“What Spider Hunt?” Scarlet Witch was staring at them, apparently having caught part of the conversation as well. Nate tugged on the collar of her jacket.

“Daddy told Coop ‘n Lila they could shoot at Spi-der-man while we were here,” the little boy informed her with a solemn face, pointing directly at Peter.

“Clint, you _didn’t.”_

Coughing, the eldest Barton made a point of not looking into Scarlet Witch’s annoyed eyes. “C’mon, Wanda, the kid dodges everything, it’s not like there’s any harm in-”

“Nathaniel, where is your mother?” That question got all three of the archers to look alarmed, especially when Nate answered that she and Miss Potts were in the latter’s room. “Let’s go find her then, shall we?”

“Um, Aunt Wanda-”

“Wait, that’s not-!”

“Wanda come on-”

Scarlet Witch strode off into the building, a trail of Bartons following behind her with half-hearted protests, and Vision bringing up the rear, carrying the bags she’d previously set down.

“Well!” Tony clapped a hand on Peter’s shoulder. “I think that your problem just got solved, kid. Might want to think about thanking Maximoff later. Now, _I_ need to make sure Friday records Clint getting scolded, because that is going to make for some prime blackmail material.”

With that, he headed back inside as well. Peter just continued to stare in astonished gratitude.


End file.
